How I Imagined It
by Larka's Blessing
Summary: Severus and Harry are together, but Harry feels something is missing. What happens when he askes Severus about it? And where will they go from there? Warnings: Slash male/male You have been warned.


A/N I know I should be working on Somewhere Between Living and Loving, but these random plot bunnies keep popping into my head, so I'm going to write them and see if I can work on SBLAL better then. Thank you for your patience, and I hope you enjoy my first Snarry fic!

That being said, *Looks around* Yep, still in the same house, doin the same thing with my life. I'm not JK Rowling, no matter how much I wish I could say I owned these characters.

I paced around my room, waiting for Severus to come and take me to his so that we could, as he put it, 'Get to know each other better'. I hated that we didn't already know each other, and that we had to do this in private. I am out of school and have been for two and a half years. It's not like we would get in trouble, so why was Severus so bent on keeping this a secret?

I shook myself out of my musings when I heard a knock on the door. I opened it to see Severus' eyes darting around frantically, as they usually did when he would pick me up. "Grab your cloak. Let's go."

I nodded and threw my Invisibility cloak over myself. I followed Severus to the dungeons, and it was a cold walk from the room Dumbledore had given me near Gryffindor tower.

As soon as we were in his room, he pushed me against the wall. He made an animalistic sound deep in my throat, but for the first time, I didn't feel anything when he did that. I slowly pushed him away and let him calm down. "Harry?"

"Severus, I can't do this anymore. I'm tired of the secrecy, the sneaking around, and having to wait until you are finished teaching before I can see you. Why don't you love me in public?"

"I do love you, Harry. I just have a reputation to keep up. I can't let people know that I care for you."

His words stung. "So I'm less important to you then a reputation? You care more about your reputation then me. Severus, that isn't true love. I doubt you even know what love is. This relationship, if it could be called that, is over. If I'm not your everything, I'm not your anything. Goodbye, _Snape."_

I turned and walked away from that man. Once I got back to my quarters, I became very familiar with my bottles of Firewhiskey. I tried to drown my sorrows away, but I found that things don't work that way. I wanted to cry, but found I couldn't. I guess I had known this was coming. I should have never trusted that man to show me love. He swore he cared for me, but I saw nothing of that in public. When we were outside of his chambers, there were no sly glances across the hall, nor were there any 'accidental' touches if we passed in a hallway. And in private, there were no slow kisses; there were only lust-filled urgent kisses. I should have known that we were never really in love. It was purely a physical relationship. So why did breaking it off hurt so much?

These thoughts rushed through my head as I drowned another bottle. I sighed to myself. Drinking wasn't the way to do this. I threw my last bottle to the ground, knowing that I would continue drinking if I didn't. I looked around my chambers. I saw the one picture Severus had let me take of us in the corner, where he insisted I keep it. I grabbed it, and it too joined the smashed glass on my floor. I should have seen the signs. Wouldn't he have let me take more pictures of him if he did care for me? That way I would have something to remember him by while he was gone.

I guess I felt it all along. I was destined to be alone. I, alone, was the only person who could defeat Voldemort, and I guess, alone was the way I was supposed to stay. Fate truly hates me.

I tried to walk to my bed, but found everything was disoriented. I shook my head and fell down in my chair. I would move once the dizziness past.

I woke up a day later with a major headache. I wondered what happened that caused me to be in such pain. I tried to think around the barriers someone had put into my mind, and eventually won. I remembered what happened, and suddenly, the anguish came flooding in. The shock had worn off and I began to sob.

I stayed in my quarters for the next three weeks, crying occasionally. I knew that I was being pathetic and hiding, but I couldn't care. I was hurt, and I knew I couldn't face him right now.

At the start of the fourth week, I began to get cabin fever. I decided it was time to stop hiding. I was finished with grieving. It was time to show that man that he no longer had an effect on me, to show him that he no longer had any control over me.

I walked to the Great Hall where I ate my meals at the staff table, although, technically I wasn't part of the staff. I was going to take the position of Defence Against The Dark Arts teacher, but now that Severus and I were done, I didn't think I could handle it. I should tell Dumbledore that I am going to decline the offer, but I decided to make sure it was what I wanted before I did.

I sat down and focused on my dinner. I didn't hear the teachers talking like I normally did, so I looked up. I quickly looked back down. One of the professors put their hand on my shoulder.

"Harry, we aren't going to interrogate you. We were just wondering why we haven't seen you for the past three weeks."

"I've been eating in my room."

"Have you been spending all of your time there?"

"Yes."

"Why? What happened?"

"You know, this is really starting to feel like an interrogation."

The professor took her hand off on me and backed away. "I'm sorry Harry. We were curious, and we care for you. If you ever need to talk about what happens in your life, our doors are always open to you. All of us."

I rolled my eyes at the statement. I wish all of them were there for me. I picked at my dinner a bit more, and then he walked in. My stomach clenched painfully, and suddenly, I wasn't hungry anymore. Actually, I felt rather sick.

The feeling wasn't helped when he looked at me. His eyes were filled with happiness, and for the first time, he smiled to me in public. I shook my head to clear the tears and stood.

"Harry, where are you going?"

"I'm not hungry anymore."

"Oh, well remember what I said, please."

I nodded and walked out of the hall.

As soon as I was gone, I felt too many emotions at once. I was confused that he was so happy, but at the same time, I was beyond sad that he had obviously moved on. I was angry that he moved on within the first month after we had broken up.

Then it occurred to me. Maybe he had been using me. That had to be why he was so happy. He could finally come out about his first lover, and I wouldn't be in the way anymore. I knew that man could be heartless, but I never knew how much.

I sprinted back to my rooms. Once again, I broke down, just by the mere thought and sight of him. We hadn't said anything to each other, yet, here I was, hurting again.

I couldn't walk any farther. I fell to the ground and sobbed. Seconds later, I felt someone's arms wrap around me and pull me onto their lap. "You're alright. Come on, Harry, you're okay. Everything's going to be okay. I promise. You ran all the way up here, and I know you can't breathe, sobbing like that. You're going to hyperventilate if you keep doing that. Take a deep breath, Harry. There you go. Do it again. Good job."

As soon as I calmed down enough, I realized who had been holding me. "Snape! Let go of me!"

The arms quickly released me, and I sprung from him.

"What are you doing here?" I practically hissed at him.

"I came to apologize. What I said was stupid, and I was too ignorant to see it before now. I was stupid to think that my reputation could ever be as important as you. These last three weeks have been torture to me, and I should have come to talk to you sooner."

"What about your other lover? Won't he be angry that you want me again?"

"What are you talking about?"

"That's why you were so happy at dinner tonight. You could finally be with him in public. I wasn't in the way anymore."

Severus looked like he wanted to wrap his arms around me, but he knew it was a bad idea. "Silly boy. I don't have another lover. You are it for me. I was happy because I knew you were alive, and that because you were at the table again, maybe I could apologize. Harry, I made a big mistake, and I hope you can forgive me."

I stared and shook my head in disbelief. "Give me one reason why I should accept your apology."

"I wanted to do this in the Great Hall where everyone could see, but I guess here will work too." Before I could react, Severus had me in his arms and was kissing me again. But this was different. This wasn't the heated, fiery passion from before.

This kiss was loving, slow, and perfect, just the way I had imagined when I thought of kissing.

Severus pulled away, and I nearly melted. He took my hands and looked into my eyes. "Harry, I love you. It was beyond stupid of me to try and hide you from the world, to try and hide us. I wish I could take back the pain I know I caused you, but the fact is, I can't. What I can do, though, is try to make it up to you. Is there any way I can?"

"Kiss me like that again." He did. I had never felt this good in my life.

"I love you so much, Harry Potter." That was the second time I heard Severus tell me that he loved me.

I kissed him again. "I love you too. Just don't put me second to anything."

"If you won't be my everything, you can't be my anything, right?"

I kissed him on the nose. "Right."

"Well, I wouldn't want you any other way. Harry, you are my everything."

"Good."

We sat and talked well into that night, and the many nights afterwards, getting to know each other, the right way. It was just how I imagined being in love would feel.

We would spend every other night out somewhere beautiful on the school grounds, just talking, holding hands, and sometimes kissing. The other nights were reserved for sleep and work.

I didn't think I could get any happier than this, but that was until the night he proposed to me, but that's another story entirely.

A/N Did I butcher the pairing? I sure hope not........ Please keep in mind that this was written in a half an hour to an hour time period. I'm just trying to get it out of the way so I don't have Harry run off with Severus in SBLAL. I was tempted, but that would make the whole story pointless, so I wrote this to get the annoying plot bunny out of my head. Thanks for reading, and if you read SBLAL, the next update should be sometime this week/weekend. Thanks again!


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